Like many people, I'm glad to see the end of 2020. The last eighteen months have been filed with unending stress, loss and grief. I'm grateful that God has kept me thru all of the storms that came my way.
I've learned a few things along this journey. Grief is a jealous. It doesn't care where you are when it decides it wants control, doesn't care who you are with and doesn't care if it's presence is disruptive or embrassing. It doesn't care if it makes others around you uncomfortable or sad. At times, it owns your soul despite your best efforts to keep it under control.
There are a couple of thoughts and quotes that helped me survive last year. I read a quote on Facebook that said grief is love that has no place to go. I decided to turn grief into love for my grands. One of my co-worker's husband told her that there is no better place to be than with God. I take comfort that Sam and Crissy are with God and all of the other people that preceded them. They are free from all earthly concerns. I still feel married. I miss his earthly presence but he is always with me. Sam would not want me to be sad. When I think about him in heaven, I picture him talking to everyone around. He is not in pain or suffering. He is free.
At the end of the year, I realized that I spent the last year stuck in my comfort zone mainly thanks to Covid. My original plan was to learn how to be single again (I hate the word widow because it feels so negative). I had planned to learn how to go places by myself and to do new things. Covid blew that plan to bits. Covid reduced life to basic routines, go to work, back home with rare side trips to Walmart. The thing I miss the most is going out to restaurants. When this is over, I'm having a personal restaurant week.
I'm glad to have a hobby that kept me focused. Sewing kept me busy. I've sewn a lot. I didn't write anything about it. At the end of 2019, I re-arranged my sewing and cutting rooms to be more functional. I kept editing and moving things around until it felt right. I sewed a lot but I didn't measure what I used. If I guess I probably sewed well over 100 yards and most of it came from the stash. I found that there was something really satisfying when a piece of fabric that had been sitting on the shelf turns into a garment. I just cut out a bunch of projects and all of the fabric came from the stash. Of course, I still bought more fabric. Fabric Mart & Metro Textiles were my main fabric sources. Not only did I buy fabric, I bought notions. I love Amazon boxes. Now when I look around, I realized that I have everything that I need to make garments w/o running to the store.
The stash is big enough that I can look at fabric sites and don't feel the need to buy fabric. I did become more discriminating in what I bought. This year, I will think even harder before I hit the purchase button.
I decided to set some loose and I mean really, really loose goals for next year
- Finish the 2021 SWAP at Stitcher's Guild, I'm good at starting but fail miserably at finishing. I have the bulk of my garments cut out and stored in plastic bags.
- Learn some new techniques such as welt pockets and tailoring a jacket or coat
- Sew from the stash. See if I can make some empty spots on the shelves
- Use the Cricut and the embroidery machine. I didn't have the mental energy last year to learn them.
- Make a suit.